i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
