and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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