im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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