just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
