i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
