guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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