You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
