Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
