I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
