Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
