Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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