I bet he comes in French.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
