you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
