i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
