i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
