i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
