I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
