At least make sure they are 18
Why
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
