I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
