I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
what day is it and did you see me today?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
