Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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