There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
