And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
