New low: just hacked my moms facebook
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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