My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
