Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
