Non-Jews are for practice
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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