you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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