that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
