Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
