If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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