i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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