We're facebook friends in real life
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
