He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
