Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
