Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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