I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
