Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
