Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
