I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
