Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
