Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
