Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
