I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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