Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
