I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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