You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
