you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
