what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
