i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
