How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
