i was born a porn star she said
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
