I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
